Forbidden
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: Kai is a young teacher, and the last resort for the class no other adult will go within a mile radius of. RayMax, KaiMax. Rated M for safety.
1. Class 12D6

So. I've always loved this fic because it's heavy-duty angst which is without a doubt my guilty pleasure to write. But. It was crap. My recent update (chapter 9) only highlighted this crappiness, so I have embarked on a rewrite! Most things should stay the same, plot-wise, but a few characters might change a bit and Kai will actually have feelings. :O

Thank you to my editor and the saviour of this fic, Nikki, or ... whatever the hell she's calling herself now ... Tootchy. She is AMAZING and deserves worship and love. And reviews! xD

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Well, this is yet another story thatI shouldn't be starting, yet somehow am. There are so few Kai/Max fics, I just had to do something! Even if it is going to be Kai/Max in a very roundabout way...I hope you all enjoy it!

Part of the story will be told inthird personpast tense, and some in first person past tense.

Disclaimer: (Yawns) What? Still? Stupid ff. Me. No. Own. Beyblade. Comprehende?

Warning: this story contains strong language and deals with depression, self-harm, and sexual abuse. Althought not in detail, (ie, it's badly written)and not until later on, if you don't want to read it, stop **_now_**.

* * *

As she left the staffroom after the early-morning briefing, the receptionist saw exactly what she expected; an experienced 'battle-axe' teacher sat huddled in the corner where the assembly hall wall met the administration room, quivering and gasping with the effort of controlling her sobs. She hurried over and patted the woman's shoulder awkwardly. Six years of this hadn't made her natural disinclination for 'touchy-feely' behaviour any weaker.

"It'll be ok, Catherine," she soothed. Catherine MacKay, head of Geography and a woman who had spent nearly as long as the receptionist at the town's only secondary school, turned to regard her colleague with bloodshot eyes.

"No, it won't," she replied in a tone of voice that brooked no disagreement. "This is the fourth time I've lost the draw, Sylvia, and it's not true what Martin trots out to pacify the new members; it doesn't get easier." The receptionist made what she hoped was a sympathetic noise. "They thrive on repetition, the more you go in there, the faster they learn your weaknesses and the worse they get. Not to mention they're all worked up anyway because of yesterday's little altercation on the field."

"It's got to be somebody. We can't just leave them in their classroom until whenever this miracle worker arrives."

"I know." Catherine rubbed her eyes and made a visible effort to calm down. "And since we've run out of willing male teachers, I suppose it had better be me." She coughed her laughter. "I can hear the joke that devil class would make at that." She looked the receptionist squarely in the eye, took a deep breath and said "Tell that bastard of a headmaster that I've gone home ill," before pushing gently past her and striding towards the exit.

Sylvia, receptionist at the school for more than thirty years and, unwillingly, agony aunt for the last six, watched her go without a protest. That was how these situations ended more often than not. Nobody in the entire school wanted to be in any sort of close proximity to class 12D6. Sighing heavily, she entered the administration room and told her fellow administration staff to log Catherine MacKay out and to direct any complaints from Martin Johnson straight to her. That done, she settled into her comfortable chair behind her desk and watched sadly as, through the transparent plastic on the main entrance doors, she saw Catherine hurrying to her car.

Dismissing any stray thoughts of what on earth 12D6 would do without a supervisor firmly from her mind, she began to deal with the never-ending paperwork that came with such a large school.

Three-quarter of an hour later, she looked up as she heard the heavy double doors swing open and closed. It was an unusual time for visitors; the school day had started only half an hour ago. Her immediate assumption had been that here the teacher they had all been waiting for, but, well, this certainly didn't _look_ like him. The young man approached the desk and nodded a greeting. She scrutinised him through the transparent security panel, noting with relief that he hadn't set off the metal detectors sat either side of the doorway.

"I have an appointment with the headmaster," he answered.

Sylvia narrowed her eyes suspiciously. He was dressed in the sort of clothes she saw on the older pupils every day, his dark hair looked messy (as a mother of three she found her fingers suddenly itching for a comb) and he had both hands in his pockets in a cavalier fashion. The laptop case that dangled from his right shoulder seemed incongruous.

"Do you go to this school?"

He gave an exasperated snort.

"No, I'm a university graduate. Just tell me where to find Mr Johnson."

The receptionist drummed her fingers on the desk in front of her uncertainly. She was sure that he was lying, or at the very least being sarcastic. It wouldn't be the first time that she'd had a prank pulled on her by a schoolboy whose only gifts were height and facial hair. Better safe than sorry, though, she chided herself and nudged the computer screen so that he couldn't possibly see.

"Name? Time of appointment?" she asked, pulling up the relevant list.

"Hiwatari and right now."

The information flashed up on her screen and she began to wonder whether she was wrong and had indeed spent the last few minutes aggravating the one man that the headmaster wanted to see the most.

"I'll just ring through and check," she announced and was suddenly convinced that he was smirking at her. She looked up and saw no hint of amusement on his face. Feeling more of a fool than ever, she quickly dialled the headmaster's number.

"Mr Johnson? Hiwatari is here for his half-past nine appointment-"

"Send him in! It's almost twenty-five to ten!"

"I'm afraid that's my fault, sir." She found herself cringing and again felt sure that the young man on the other side of the screen found her situation unspeakably amusing.

"Why is that?"

"I didn't believe him, sir, I do apologise-"

Twenty seconds later, she very carefully removed the receiver from her ear and laid it back down, the headmaster's angry words ringing in her ears.

So, he _was_ for them? He wasn't at all what anyone had been anticipating in the gossip that had run rampant in the staffroom for the past week.

She gave him directions to Mr Johnson's office and as he walked past her with only another nod as thanks, she couldn't help but lower her voice and say,

"Good luck - with them, I mean."

He turned and gave her a surprised half-smile. His laptop case swung round him and into the wall with a soft thud. Odd, it certainly wasn't the nasty _clunk _she had expected. He saw the new direction of her gaze and offered a brief reply.

"Paperwork."

Fifteen minutes later (not that she was checking the security cameras any more than normal), she saw him emerge from the office and saunter down the corridor.

I sat at the back of the classroom, watching as the class disintegrated into chaos as usual. Normally I would try to join in but I still had bruises from yesterday's 'playground scuffle' so I was keeping my head down. Literally. I ducked a flying pencil case. It hit the wall behind me with a loud _crack_ that made me think it had probably contained more than just stationery.

"Oy, Max, you twat, why'd you duck?" someone yelled, guffawing loudly.

Oh yeah, stupid question. Honestly. The riot hardly faltered when the classroom door banged open. To be fair, it was hardly the first time that some git had waltzed in thinking that he could conquer us. I chuckled at the very idea and snuck a peek at this newcomer. He was definitely 'new'. Hm. They went through with last week's threat then; called in some specialist dick.

He was dressed scruffily for a teacher in a black leather jacket and faded denim jeans and leaning against the doorway as if nothing was more boring than watching a gang of sixteen and seventeen year-olds throw things.

(Ok, I agreed with him on that.)

I couldn't help but wonder (despite my immediate assumption of seconds ago) if he was a teacher or a pupil. He looked exactly like an old eighteen year-old but excluded a self-satisfied, confident, _you-will-pay-attention-to-me-because-I'm-better-than-all-you-fat_-_headed-prats _air that screamed cocky teacher. Apparently realising that standing still and watching us wasn't going to make the slightest bit of difference, he walked to the desk at the front of the room and faced us with folded arms. Someone wolf-whistled. I rolled my eyes.

"You're fit, sir!"

I rolled my eyes again.

Raymond Kon, Ray to most people, was among the more feared of our class by its numerous victims … um, teachers; he was responsible for getting three teachers fired on various trumped-up charges of sexual behaviour and four more put on suspension. He flirted with anything that moved, which included me, and it was getting progressively harder to convince myself that he was 'only' my best friend. I knew the darker side to his behaviour, the one that made him drop his dates like rocks after mere days, but still. The temptation.

Normally our tastes differed massively, but for once we were in agreement. New teacher was good. It was something about the way he just stood there like a rock, supremely confident, and his muscles (you could see them pushing against the tight leather), or his big dark eyes against his fair skin and that contemptuous little curve at the corner of his mouth.

"Do you think _I'm_ fit, sir?"

Oh shit, I thought, someone should tell Ray to shut up before he ends up in detention yet again.

I hated waiting around for him. Some teacher I barely knew would always see me and try to strike up a 'casual conversation'. Tch. No such thing in this stupid school.

The new teacher smiled. It was an oddly predatory expression on his face.

"If I replied to that truthfully, your guardians would be phoning the school up in outrage to complain about me coming onto you." His smile twisted nastily at the corner. "Oh, I know how that scam works." There was a rumble of amusement and I grinned at Ray as he sat back in a huff. I wondered if anyone had noticed that he had said "guardians", not parents, as even the best teachers invariably did. They seemed to forget that only four out of the eight of us actually had either parent. Maybe this latest child-tamer would work for a bit longer than the others had.

"Anyway, who the fuck're you?" Tala yelled. The teacher didn't answer. Now, on most of us, that would have been a good plan. I mean, no-one likes silence. He wasn't to know, of course, that Tala didn't take well to being ignored. To avoid a scene, I took a deep breath and spoke into the lull,

"The teacher they've been threatening us with."

Agh, my voice sounded like someone had been over my throat with a cheese grater.

"Ah, shut up, Max. Nobody cares!" Tala snapped. I returned my gaze to the graffitied desk in front of me and tried not to go red as most of the class burst out laughing. Ray leaned almost horizontally back in his chair to squeeze my hand then thumped the chair back onto four legs and did a rather un-Ray-like thing; he spat at Tala! The gob of saliva hit his cheek squarely and trickled quickly down to stain his collar.

"You fucking bastard!" Tala screamed and got his feet so fast that his chair skidded backwards and nearly hit Jim in the face. Ray examined his flawless black ponytail haughtily. This was both a show of nonchalance and a threat. Ray wasn't a great one for fighting but I had once seen him leave an assailant blue in the face from the ultimate in homemade strangling equipment – even in a ponytail his hair reached his calves. Sensing a fight brewing, cheers and taunts broke out at full volume. Jim complained vocally about Tala 'hitting' him and Ozuma started a rhythmic banging on his desk that was soon picked up by the rest of the class.

"_All right, you fucking self important little gits, shut up right now, or you've got an after-school detention for every night of the fucking year_!"

Impressi-ive. I did admire a man who could bellow without going red and looking stupid – or high-pitched. It was amazing how many muscle-bound PE teachers sounded like hurt choirboys when they really shouted.

"You can go fuck yourself," Tala snarled back at the teacher into the ringing silence, "And maybe Ray'd like to take pictures?" Out of the corner of my eye I noted the new teacher's face pale, but right now that wasn't my main concern. I lurched out of my seat and made a desperate grab for any part of Ray at all. My fingers brushed his green T-shirt uselessly as he stood up and looked at red-faced Tala.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll decline." His voice was silkily polite and that was frankly more worrying than if he had shouted and sworn. His arms were loose at his sides and one ankle was crossed comfortably over the other, but he was radiating menace like electricity. I _hoped_ he wasn't going to start the fight. He knew the consequences of that, surely, better than I did?

"Ray, don't!" I shouted at last. Jim mimicked me in falsetto and looked proudly around at the few laughs that gained him. I really didn't care because Ray had heard me and understood and with a dramatic flourish had slumped back into his seat.

"You're not worth it, Tala," he said in the same wonderfully polite voice that, despite its undertones, never failed to make me feel a hot little shiver down my spine. For the second time in less than five minutes, I concentrated on my desk and fought the heat rapidly rising in my face. Thankfully the new teacher took the opportunity to try and regain control.

"Sit, Tala."

Tala gave the teacher a scornful look.

"Why?"

"Because right now you look bloody stupid, that's why."

I held my breath in anticipation and heard everybody else do the same almost in unison. Tala disappointed us; instead of throwing a chair like he had at the last teacher who insulted him, he just turned the air a few darker shades of blue and sat down. Daring a quick peek, I saw with amusement that his face was redder than mine.

"We all finished, ladies?" the teacher asked silkily.

He prowled along the rows of chairs with an expression set somewhere between anger and indifference as he lectured us. I got so caught up in trying to figure out the exact colour of his eyes (purple, really?) that I missed his first few sentences. The gist was about how terrible we all were, though. It always was. I could have written these guys' script by now.

"Right. This is how it's gonna work. I'm here because no other teacher within fifty miles of here wants you. I'm taking you for every lesson-" An embarrassing squeak of surprise made me turn red and hot again but I could hear assorted grumbles and groans that showed equal discontent. "So _any_ attempt at skipping lessons _will_ be punished. Any questions?" Five or six hands rose. "Yes?" The teacher pointed at Jim.

"What's your name?"

"You can call me sir. Otherwise I'm Mr Hiwatari. Call me anything else and it's detention." He pointed at Kane.

"How old are you?"

"Older than you."

Kane snorted and complained about cheating. Sir gave him a supremely disdainful look and nodded in Ozuma's direction.

"Does the head know 'cha you swear like that?"

"Why should he? It's not like any of you never do it, and worse." There was a general murmur of agreement. Tala's look of extreme reluctance didn't fool me for a second as he apathetically flopped his hand into the air. Sir raised an eyebrow.

"How'd you get to be a teacher so young?"

"Hard work and brains. Alien concepts, I'm sure." Most of the remaining hands went down amongst a rebellious grumble from people who were paying attention enough to find the not-so-subtle insult. "Any other questions?" Speaking of Ray …

"Are you gay or straight?" I sighed and put my head down on the desk.

"Ray, shut _up_!" Ozuma yelled, flinging a rubber across the room at Ray's head.

"What?" Ray grinned. "If he's gay, I'll have him, if he's straight, Mariah'll have him."

"What if he's bi?" someone teased. I didn't bother to see who it was. Sounded like Kane.

"Then we'll both do him at the same time!" The class exploded, but it was edgy, nervous laughter.

The bell rang to signal the beginning of second lesson but, a first for several years, no-one got up. If the rest of the class thought along at all similar lines to me, they were too curious about the teacher to resist staying just a little longer.

New teacher _always_ meant fresh bait. This one was just a bit more … wriggly. Ok, so I rarely joined in with the psychological warfare we as a class had become experts at, but that didn't mean I wasn't looking forward to discovering how this newbie would fare.

Brooklyn was the first to speak. Another unusual event to add to today's list.

"Just to check I heard this right, sir, you're taking us for _every_ class?"

"Yes," Sir replied as he took his seat behind the desk at the front left corner of the classroom and began to rummage around in the numerous drawers.

"So that means we'll be staying in here all day?" Brooklyn persisted, leaning forwards in his seat directly in front of Sir's desk and trying to catch Sir's eye.

"But, that's like primary school all over again!" Ozuma protested loudly. He had always needed to raise his voice to be heard by a teacher because he sat in the back right corner and there was guaranteed to be a shouting match going on between at least two people. This time, though, he was the only one brave enough to steal Brooklyn's thunder and so his voice sounded haughty as well as loud in the silent room. I realised this very quickly and winced as Sir – responding only to what he heard as a challenge – snapped back;

"Yes, and none of you have grown up since then!"

"I wish," I heard Ray mutter in front of me. My blood chilled with a painful sort of sympathy. Similar sentiments were being exchanged throughout the room and Sir answered them with an arrogance that set my teeth firmly on edge,

"Drink and drugs don't make you mature."

No one was quite sure of how to respond to such blatant ignorance. We all _knew_ that adult activities didn't mean adult mind, but there wasn't a boy in the room who hadn't gone through personal hell since moving up into 'big school' and that, _that_, gave us the right to think of ourselves as above such stupid little things as staying in one room with one clueless, prejudiced teacher day in, day out. I wanted to push his head through a closed window, I really did and if _I_ felt like that then it must have been sheer disbelief that pinned Bryan to his seat and stilled Brooklyn's tongue.

Sir must have taken our gobsmacked silence for sullen agreement because he stopped his irritating clatter of drawers. Without a word, he pulled out our maths workbooks and three fat textbooks and handed them to Brooklyn who looked at them with the same cold contempt that I might give to an adventurous insect. He found his in the messy pile and dumped the rest on the empty table next to him. Tala looked at the pile of books between them then turned in his seat to give Ray, Jim and unintentionally me a look of utter disbelief.

"I can't fucking believe this," Kane mumbled from his seat on Ray's right.

"Me neither," Jim whispered back, stretching over Ray to do so.

"What the fuck are we waiting for?" Ray didn't bother to lower his voice. "This guy's obviously useless and we're just sitting here like idiots, about to do a _maths_ lesson?" He rocked right back on his chair again and looked at me searchingly. "I'm off, you coming?"

I opened my mouth to say yes, of course, but my wandering attention was caught and held by the look on Brooklyn's face. I pointed at him with the smallest movement of my finger that I could and Ray followed the direction.

It was Brooklyn's plotting face. Possibly only terrifying if the recipient, like me, was used to it preceding a new form of pain, but at any rate it promised more interesting events than a maths lesson. Shrugging his assent, Ray settled back into his chair and started gouging his name into the desk with his pen. Jim and Kane copied him but Tala just shook his head and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Sir asked.

"Out." Almost as soon as the door had closed behind him, I heard the screech of Brooklyn shifting his chair forwards again.

"You can't be qualified to teach all these subjects, sir," he said with such a thick layer of concern that Jim had to bite his hand to stifle a snigger. Sir didn't look up from his industrious scribbling – I was sure we had enough paperwork about us by now to drown Malta but he seemed determined to make more – as he replied,

"No, but I know the majority of them well enough to field questions at the level most of you are still working at." He made the rather silly mistake of looking at Brooklyn after saying that and Brooklyn gave him the most scathing look I'd seen for at least couple of weeks. "Besides," he continued without breaking the stare, "your books will be given back to your old teachers at the end of every day, unless they decide that they hate you so much they don't even want to see your handwriting."

Brooklyn's smile wouldn't have looked out of place on a snake.

"So, essentially you're a particularly foul-mouthed babysitter?"

"So, essentially, you're a particularly cocky little bastard who thinks that intelligence should replace morals?" There was a touch of steel in Sir's voice now but if anything, Brooklyn looked pleased.

"Yes. That's more or less it." He opened his maths book and textbook. "You won't last," he said softly, but the room was so quiet that we all heard. I wasn't sure but I could see from Ray's expression that he agreed. I had let my estimations run a bit too high when Sir had so easily shut us all up earlier but now he was just sitting there and letting us do what we wanted. It was stupid. A novel way of ensuring the class didn't mindfuck him, yeah, but really crap teaching.

"Fair enough, that you'd think that. You've never known a teacher who will last."

"And we never will," Brooklyn said still in that soft voice before bending his head and starting the maths work that we had been set a week or so before. Still with that deadly little smile. Like he was looking forward to something. I shuddered. There was absolute silence for maybe thirty seconds then Ray sighed heavily and stood up.

"Fun's over." He tucked his chair in and reached over to tap me on the head. "Come on. I could find more entertaining places to be if I lived in a dustbin."

"A small dustbin," Ozuma agreed, getting to his feet. Kane and Jim followed suit hastily and eventually I stood up as well, pulling a face at Ray. I was tired and my muscles all ached from yesterday. Ray stood on my left side, between me and Bryan (two seats away – two seats too close in my opinion) and whispered in my ear,

"Do you _want _to stay in a room with them? Yesterday mean anything to you?"

I shook my head and did my best to ignore both Ray's sudden close proximity and the sting in his words – of course yesterday meant something. More of the same and another day when I proved that not only my hair was yellow.

"Come on, then." He grabbed my wrist and tugged me forwards.

"Is it ok if we go, sir?" Jim asked wickedly. Sir looked at each of us, one by one. He was definitely, definitely hot. I just wished he'd grow some more backbone or something, that was all.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow." His expression was so weirdly confident. Like he hadn't just let the 'lesson' float by, like it had somehow all gone to plan.

Fuck, I grumbled to myself as we left the room, that's all we need. Another asocial with a master plan.

* * *

All opinion welcome.

xIlbx


	2. Broken silence

Well, here's the second chapter!

* * *

"Max? Can you hear me?" I stirred, unsure of where I was. "It's all right, Max you're safe. You fell asleep, remember? Did Brooklyn hit your head at all when you were fighting?" I thought hard, then shook my head a fraction. I was teetering on the edge, wanting to fall back into the black abyss of sleep, but his voice was like an anchor, holding me where I was.

"Tired…leave me alone…" I mumbled, annoyed at being forced to speak.

"I can't do that, Max, sorry." I felt myself being moved into a sitting position. I put my head on my knees and closed my eyes. "Do you think that you're mad?" My eyes flew open in shock. Silently, I held out my wrists, showing him the scars marring them. "That doesn't make you mad, Max. Trust me, I know." I blinked and looked up at him. He took off his coat and showed me his own wrist. I looked, seeing the deep scars criss-crossing the pale skin. "It doesn't make you mad." His voice was quiet. He put his jacket over me. "If you want to go back to sleep, you can." I curled up under the thick leather and closed my eyes gratefully.

I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the office, and Mr Hiwatari was still watching me.

"H-How long…" My voice was slurred with sleep.

"You've only been asleep for about half an hour." he replied. "How do you feel?" I shrugged. I was still woozy, but I didn't feel like every part of my body weighed a ton any more. "Better?" I nodded. "Good." He reached out a hand to help me upright. I grabbed it. His palm was cool and firm, his bicep taut as he pulled me upright. I swayed, unsteady from my sleep. He held my shoulders, steadying me. "I think you should go home." he told me quietly. I shook my head once.

I'm not going home, not yet. Dad'd be there, pretending that nothing's wrong as usual, and I'd just get more and more unhappy until I went for the razor again. A picture of the scarlet trickle floated into my mind and I swayed again, fighting the urge, instinctively looking for something sharp, unaware of the soft moans escaping my throat. Mr Hiwatari guided me over to one of the chairs behind his desk and sat me down, kneeling next to me.

"I'm not going to try and make you do anything you want to do, Max, but we're going to sit here for a bit, and if there's anything you want to say, I'll be here." I stayed silent for nearly half an hour, during which time he marked our books. Suddenly, the dam that I'd been building all those years broke. A hiccupping sob escaped my lips. It quickly turned into many more, years of unshed tears pouring down my cheeks.

I told him almost everything. About what people did to me, about how I never did anything in retaliation, about my dad's depression…the very first time I cut myself…He listened silently, his face impassive. The only thing that I kept to myself was my mum. That was a wound that I didn't want to share with anyone else, not yet.

Eventually, the babble stopped. I rubbed my eyes and took a couple of deep, shuddering breaths, my throat sore from so much unaccustomed talking. "Are you all right?" This time, his voice had softened.

"I-I don't need your bloody pity!" I choked out through waiting tears.

"I'd say you do." he told me. "Otherwise, why would you have let all that out?" I looked at him, worn out and on the edge of tears again. "Oh, Max." He sighed quietly and got up, coming over from his seat and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to need help occasionally. You've needed help a lot in the last few years, haven't you? But you haven't asked for it, you stupid bastard." I looked dazedly at him, then moved forwards and wrapped my arms round him, hugging him tightly. Right now, he was my only source of comfort, comfort that I had been denying myself for so long…

His arms came round me and held me gently for a few seconds, then eased me away. "CCTV." he explained dryly. "I'd be facing a paedophile charge in seconds. Despite the fact that I'm only, what, four years older than you? Bloody law…" He patted my shoulder again, then went back to his seat. "You feel ready to go home yet?" I shrugged. Yeah, I could probably face my dad now. I didn't feel like I was made of eggshells anymore, a vast improvement. "Excellent. Will you be in school tomorrow?" I shrugged again. Maybe, maybe not. It depended on my mood, as it did with most of the kids in my class. "Well, if you're not, make sure you've got someone else with you, will you?" My temper rose quickly, as I guessed why he had said that. "Calm down, Max." Looked like he'd guessed I'd guessed. Screw him.

"I'm not gonna top myself or anything dumb like that!" I burst out indignantly. Shooting him a poisonous look, I stood up and grabbed my bag, hurrying out the door.

* * *

Kai shook his head sadly. That was his teacher training taking over his instincts again. He shouldn't have said that, it had rubbed Max up the wrong way instantly. Sighing, he checked the clock on the wall. School was over. He decided to go and check on the teacher that he had yanked in to be a substitute.

"Here comes the boy wonder!" Kai kept his face impassive, the frustrated comment sliding off him like water off a duck's back. "Only two days with them and you've already handed over? What happened to-"

"I had a situation that needed dealing with." Kai said curtly, sitting down in a chair. His lip curled involuntarily at the sudden look of interest on the surrounding faces, other teachers coming over to listen.

"What kind of situation?" one of the teachers asked him.

"Brooklyn and Max started fighting in the changing rooms."

"So?" another woman asked casually. "Brooklyn's always fighting with somebody, him and Bryan are vicious. I'm surprised that it was Max, though." There were nods of agreement from everyone listening.

"Yeah, he's usually the one who breaks the fights up."

"That's right. I remember once-

"Well not this time." Kai said quickly, cutting off what he knew would soon turn into a cascade of bad memories. "This time, they fought like a pair of mad animals. I gave them an after school which I'm one hundred-percent positive neither of them will come to, and Max passed out." Murmurs of surprise ran through his audience.

"Was he okay?" This came from a plump middle-aged Art teacher with paint stains all down her puffy blouse. Kai nodded, deciding in that instant to keep Max's actions after he had woken up secret for the time being.

"He was fine after he came round. He doesn't talk much, does he?" he said abruptly, changing the subject. Once again, the whole staff room shook their heads.

"He never has, not as far as I know." That comment came from the class' old form tutor, Miss Dart, who had asked to switch classes after three awful years with them. She was only twenty-five, small and slim, with a soft voice and a slow temper. Kai privately wondered how she had stuck with them past the first day. "He only ever speaks when there's no other way of getting his message across. It's strange, yes, but compared to the rest of them…" She chuckled sadly and spread her hands out in a "What can you do?" gesture. Kai folded his arms and leaned back in his chair.

"I can only try." he said quietly. A thought struck him. "What do any of you know about Ray Kon? For instance, his home life?" His eyes narrowed at the evasive air that had sprung up. He looked at their old tutor, trusting her slightly more than the others. She sighed and fiddled distractedly with a strand of her dark brown hair. "I don't think I can tell you…wait until the first Parents Evening, then you'll see." she murmured awkwardly. Kai swept them all with a scathing look, then nodded his thanks to Miss Dart and stood up.

"You're going already?" a few voices asked.

"No. I'm going to do some digging." came the curt answer.

* * *

I shut the door behind me quietly and kicked my shoes off.

"Good day at school, Max?" I opened my mouth to brush my father off, but something made me change my mind.

"I got in a fight." I called into the living room, raising my voice over the TV. The noise stopped.

"You? Hello, am I hearing right? Wanna come tell your old man about it?" I winced at his absurdly eager tone, guilt washing over me. I hadn't said more than three or four words a day to him since Mum left us.

"Okay." Well, better late than never…

* * *

I pulled myself away from Dad's embrace and headed for the stairs.

"Going to get changed?" he asked me. I nodded, giving him a tentative smile, which he returned equally nervously.

I walked up the stairs, the smile still on my face. We hadn't talked like that for years. About school, Dad's work, we even touched briefly on the face that I'm gay, although we didn't stay there for long. I suppose I have to thank Brooklyn for this. After all, he was the one who goaded me into fighting in the first place, and I haven't felt this good for… _ages_! I suddenly realised that I was humming. Slowly, a grin spread across my face.

"Hey, Dad?" I yelled down the stairs. "Name a song!" There was a long silence. I rolled my eyes. Bloody emotional Dad. I just unclammed for a bit, that's all… "Hurry up!"

"This Land Is Mine. You know it?" I sighed in mock annoyance.

"_Yes_." It's been his favourite song since I was just a little kid, how could I not know it?

I bent down and rummaged under my bed, eventually pulling out what I wanted, a battered guitar. I hummed a few times, then started tuning it. When that was done, I walked out to the landing. "You ready, Dad?"

"You'd better believe it!" I took a deep breath.

Okay, here we go…

_"From behind these walls I hear your song, _

_Those sweet words._

_Music that you play lights up my world._

_The sweetest that I've heard. Could it be_

_That I've been touched and turned._

_Oh, oh please, finally, finally things are changing…_

_This land is mine, but I let you rule._

_I let you navigate and demand, just as long as you know._

_This land is mine._

_So, find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win._

_Just as long as we know._

_This land is mine._

_After all the battles and the wars,_

_The scars and loss._

_I'm still the queen of my domain._

_And feeling stronger now._

_Walls are down a little more each day._

_Since you came, finally, finally things are changing..._

_This land is mine, but I let you rule,_

_I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know._

_This land is mine._

_So find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win._

_Just as long as we know._

_This land is mine._

_Follow the days, I've travelled alone._

_In this cold and colourless place to live._

_It's what I had to pay._

_This land is mine, but I let you rule,_

_I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know._

_This land is mine._

_So, find your home and settle there, for I'm ready to let you win._

_Just as long as we know._

_This land is mine._

I slowed the tempo down, plucking a gentle one-note accompaniment.

_This land is mine, but I let you rule,_

_I let you navigate and demand. Just as long as you know._

_This land is mine…_

I held the last note on, then closed my mouth abruptly. I let out a sigh of sheer pleasure and wandered back to my room, shaking my head as I heard Dad's muffled sobs. God, what was it about him and me singing that song? I felt much better. Singing always did that to me, it was like I was letting all the things that would normally bother me slide away with each crescendo… I lay down on my bed and hummed happily to myself.

* * *

Second chapter's done! I'm sorry if some people didn't like the song, it was what I was listening to at the time, and it kind of came out automatically... Anyway, please, please review! 


	3. Underdogs

Well, I'm updating this from my Papa's computer up here in Scotland, so I apologise for any spelling mistakes. I wasn't intending to update until I got back, but this story seems to be getting quite a good reaction, so I thought I'd update now. The next one might be a little slower in coming though, and the one after it certainly will. Thank you to **though i choose death instead of pointless pain, hikari0205**, **Feathers of Fire** and **Kirdari** for reviewing!

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: Not doing it; can't be bothered. Don't own.

* * *

Kai opened his eyes and slowly got out of bed. As he got dressed, he became aware of the slow thud of a migraine over his right temple. He swore softly and rubbed ineffectually at it. 

"Oh damn, why _now_?" he muttered angrily.

Five ibuprofen later, he walked out of his flat, already doubting the wisdom of going out like this. Oh well, the boys were gonna suffer today, that was all.

* * *

I walked towards the place where I met up with Ray each day. Ray and his brother and sister were already there. I waved. Ray saw me and waved back. Neither of the two either side of him moved, Lee because he fancies me and was too busy trying to check out my arse, and Mariah because she thinks I'm nuts. She's probably right, but still!I debated with the idea of flirting with Lee, just to tease him and drive Mariah up the wall, but decided against it. Mariah's got _lo-ong _nails. 

"Hi, Max. You look pleased with yourself today!" Ray commented, grinning at me. I grinned back and hummed a quick tune, nodding in agreement. It's strange how easily I go from talking normally again to not talking at all. It's just easier, though. At least, that's the way I see it. Ray and I walked side by side in silence for a few seconds. Suddenly, a thought struck me. I stopped walking, then, when I had Ray's attention, tilted my head to the side, reaching out to touch him lightly on the arm. Ray read what was in effect sign language with practised ease. "Fine." he said tightly. I held his arm tighter as he tried to pull away and shook my head once. "I'm fine!" he repeated, knowing that I knew he wasn't.

"Him?" I asked, annoyance at his stubbornness making me address him directly. He nodded once, his face crumpling. With a sympathetic noise, I patted him lightly on the shoulder. He let out a small, choked sob and hugged me tightly, resting his head on mine, his long black hair dangling in my eyes. I kept my arms round him for a minute or so, then pulled away, looking questioningly in the direction of the school.

"Yeah, I'm going to school." He hid his face for a few seconds, then looked up, face set and determined. He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Can't let him beat me, can I?" I shook my head, smiling broadly. He started walking again, amber eyes bright with unshed tears. With an surge of pride for my courageous friend, I followed him.

"Dykes! Fucking clit lickers! Lezzie slags!" The hate-filled chants filled the playground. I winced and wondered which poor girls were the target this time. Ray, who was about seven centimetres taller than me, went on tiptoe for a better look. When he turned to me again, his face was tight with anger. I was about to ask who was being bullied this time, but just then we came in sight of the victims. A muscle under my eye started twitching involuntarily. The two girls who were cowering under the stares of most of the school were only fourteen and fifteen. The youngest gays in the school. The older girl, Ming-Ming, who looked the same age as her girlfriend most of the time, was holding Matilda protectively, her crimson eyes gleaming with fear and anger as she stared down kids up to four years older than her, a black eye and split lip proof to her defiance. The mood was getting ugly.

"Max, be careful. Don't do anything stupid." Ray hissed, placing a warning hand on my arm. I shook it off, my temper rising even faster as I saw a spit ball hit Matilda on the cheek and stay there, provoking a fresh outburst from Ming-Ming. A soft hum of rage escaped my throat, then suddenly I stated running towards them. I pushed the smaller, younger kids round the edge aside and shoved my way through the tightly packed crowd, the smell of unholy excitement hanging in the air, sour with the stink of sweat. Abruptly, I ran into what felt like a brick wall. I stumbled backwards, looking up into the bloodshot eyes of Eric, Rick to most people, the school's resident coke dealer and homophobe.

"You got a problem with this, blondie?" he said softly. I nodded angrily and tried to push past him. A hand the size of a dustbin lid blocked my path. "_Why_ you got a problem with this?" I tried to speak, but anger had blocked my vocal chords up, and all that came out was a furious breathy buzz. He looked me up and down. Inwardly I cringed, although outwardly I stood perfectly still, waiting for the blow that would send me flying. His glare diminished a fraction. "You got guts, kid. You might be halfway to Australia by now, y' know that?" I nodded shortly. He appeared to be thinking, his eyes glazing over with the effort. "Okay. You want it to stop, it'll stop." He turned round and bellowed at the crowd, who began to disperse. He turned back to me, his eyes hard again, glittering chips of glass in his tanned face. "You do that again, blondie, it won't just be your voice that gets fucked up." With that last threat, he stomped away. I ran quickly to the two girls, swallowing few times to get my voice working again, knowing that Ming-Ming couldn't decipher my sign language, although Matilda, who I knew quite well, knew a little.

"Are you two okay?" Matilda looked up fearfully, saw it was me and relaxed.

"Yes, thank you Max." she said politely. She smiled suddenly. "You were brave, facing up to Rick like that. I'd never have dared."

"Good." I answered dryly. Sipping accidentally into sign language again, I gestured in the direction that Rick had taken and punched one fist into the other hand, pointing at myself. Matilda's brow creased as she tried to figure it out.

"Rick threatened to beat you up?" she gasped eventually. Ming-Ming raised her perfectly-pluckedeyebrows questioningly as I nodded and grimaced. "Oh, Max doesn't like talking." Matilda explained to her.

"What the hell's going on here?" Ijumped at Mr Hiwatari's voice.

"He's our new teacher." I told them quickly.

"Doesn't look happy, does he?" Ming Ming commented quietly. Her voice, along with Matilda's was high-pitched, although hers was piercing while Matilda's was softer. "Watch your back." Matilda shrank back as the teacher's tall form towered over the three of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ray running over to us.

"What's been going on?" the teacher repeated harshly.

"We were being bullied." Matilda piped up, blushing furiously at her own nerve. Mr Hiwatari's amethyst eyes locked with mine. Matilda let out a short gasp as she realised her mistake. Ming-Ming put her head in her hands in defeat. "Oh, it wasn't Max, sir! He _helped_ us! It was really sca-"

"Shut up." Matilda stopped mid-sentence with a frightened squeak. Ming-Ming bristled indignantly, but had the sense to keep her mouth shut. "Max, I'll see you at lunch. Don't skip it, or it'll be an after school." he snapped, striding away. Ming-Minglet outa soft hiss of anger.

"Strict teacher. Is he like this normally?"

"No, not at all." Ray cut in, running up to the little group that was us. "He must be in a really bad mood today. You okay, Max?" I nodded and stood up, gesturing that we should start heading towards our form room. "Yeah, okay." Ray agreed. I waved at the two girls, who waved back, after only the slightest hesitation on Ming-Ming's part. "Why do you always get involved like that?" Ray sighed. I shrugged. I always helped the underdogs. Never helped myself, though… A sharp jab in my ribs jolted me back to reality. "Hey, no zoning-out-and-blaming-yourself again. I had enough of that the day before yesterday." Ray scolded, casting a discreet glance at my wrists. I gave him a shrewd, accusing gaze and rolled my sleeves up, baring the scabbed-over cuts, just the newest in a whole host.

"Satisfied?" I said sharply. Ray had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Sorry, Max." he mumbled. I shrugged and punched him lightly on the upper arm, my signal for "lighten up". He smiled thinly. "I _am _lightened up. You wanna see me in a bad mood?" I shook my head quickly. A disturbing memory flashed into my mind.

_"Ray," I pleaded, looking up at the suddenly distant figure of my best friend. "Tell me what's wrong." He shook his head, stamping on his eleventh cigarette in five minutes. "Ray-" He turned to me, hisgolden eyes dark and haunted._

_"Shut up. Now."_

_"But Ray, come on," Talking was becoming progressively harder as my distress went to its normal place, my throat. "Please, why won't you-"_

_"SHUT UP!" he yelled, punching me hard round the face. Seemingly unable to stop himself, he carried on punching the wall, unaware of the blood trickling from his split knuckles and my cut lip. "It's my problem! Not yours! So just…fuck off!"_

I shivered involuntarily. Ray saw it and his face tightened.

"Three guesses at what you were thinking about." he said softly. His eyes glazed over. "Jesus, I was such a bastard that day…" I touched a hand lightly to his cheek, then flashed him a thumbs-up, indicating that it was fine, the memory having temporarily blocked my voice again. He returned the sign weakly, then pulled me to him, crushing my mouth against his. I let him kiss me, feeling the dampness of tears on his cheeks, knowing that he didn't know any other way to get rid of all the crap bottled up inside him. Slowly, I drew away. He blinked, seemingly disappointed, then grinned and ran a hand playfully over my hair. I returned the caress, both of us knowing that it meant nothing, that the kiss was just that, a kiss, nothing more. Our good moods restored, we walked into our form room, chatting amiably, and instantly shut up as we felt the atmosphere in the small room.

Mr Hiwatari was sitting at his desk, the same as on the previous two days, glaring at anyone who so much as _breathed_ too loudly.

"You two are late." he said harshly. "Sit down." Keeping my eyes down, I signed an apology and hurried to my seat, Ray doing the same. My temper was boiling quietly at the abrupt order. If he wanted a hard day, then by God he was going to get one!

* * *

Kai took a deep breath, fighting down the pain in his head. He had survived it for four lessons, now he had lunchtime in which to overdose on painkillers again. The class had thundered from the room a few minutes ago, and he was trying to psyche himself into standing up and going to the staff room, where he could lie down for a few minutes. 

He rubbed gently at his temples. The class had been intolerable today. Perhaps sensing his weakness, they had disobeyed his every command, started fighting, or, in the case of Brooklyn and Bryan, started making out... Jesus Christ help him…

Max hadn't spoken once, a strangely combative glint in his eyes as he signed so quickly that Kai couldn't make head or tail of it. Ray had smugly refused to translate. He could count on the fingers of one hand how much work had actually been done, and he didn't even use up all the fingers. With a quiet sigh, he pulled himself from his chair. A wave of blinding pain swept through his entire body.

It left him clinging to the wall for balance, whimpering helplessly, glad beyond belief that none of the class were here to witness his suffering. His line of vision shrinking and enlarging dizzyingly, he waited with gritted teeth for the agony to become bearable.

* * *

I walked into the classroom, chin up defiantly, prepared for a fight. What I wasn't prepared for was a shaking, faintly moaning teacher, clinging onto the wall for dear life. I swore loudly, recognising the glazed, agonised eyes instantly. My dad had been an expert at migraines for a year or so. Habit kicking in, I hurried over and gently tried to pull him from the wall. 

"Sir, you need to sit down." I explained, my voice as quiet as it could go. He blinked slowly, then staggered over to the desk, collapsing into his chair and putting his head down on the hard wood. I shook his shoulder gently. "Sir? Do you want me to fetch someone?"

"No." His voice was weak but definite. "I'll be okay in a minute." I doubted it, personally. He was gonna be in agony until he could get home and pass out. I shrugged and rested a comforting hand on his arm, reminded that he was only four years older than me. His skin was cold and damp with sweat. As his breathing slowed a little, I left the room. Looked like we'd be getting another sub for the last lesson.

* * *

Kai stumbled into the flat and downed three moreibuprofen, before sprawling on the sofa. He had survived the last lesson, although he wasn't too sure how, or what they'd done. Max had clearly sent round a "give him a break" message since nothing had gone badly wrong. Just before his brain finally shut down, he remembered Max's light touch on his arm. A faint smile curved his sleeping lips.

* * *

Well? What do you think? It's got a _long_ way to go before the Kai/Max kicks in, though. Ray/Max begins next chapter. 

By the way, if anybody's looked at the bottom of my profile recently, they'll noticeI've made a promise to stop swearing in my stories. All of this so far and one more chapter is prewritten from before the time when my dad clamped down on the language we were using, so the chapter after next might seem a bit strange, what with no swearing. .

Anyway, please review!


	4. Scars revealed

Well, this is where the Ray/Max really kicks off! It's shorter than the others, I think, so I apologise for that in advance. Hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Don't own Beyblade series I, II or III, or any merchandise. Sue and I'll come after you with my trusty copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and whack you over the head with it! I have experimented on my brothers! It hurts!

* * *

The weeks went by pretty quickly. It took me nearly a month to realise that I was replaying that moment in the classroom over and over again, along with the earlier one in the PE office, and it took Ray's careful nudging along the right paths before I realised the truth.

I had a crush on the teacher.

Not to mention the sudden blossoming of feelings for Ray. Which, judging by the looks I sometimes caught out of the corner of my eye, were mutual. God, why was life always so confusing?

Two months after he'd first slammed the door open, Mr Hiwatari decided to do, what, for most teachers, was considered akin to suicide. Have a PD lesson. No one really knew what to expect…

"All right, you load of twats!" he snapped, glaring around the room as per usual. "I know what you're all thinking. PD's a waste of time, right? Wrong. Now then, I'm gonna ask you some questions and I expect a truthful answer, although feel free to lie if you think you need to." Dead silence. Ray swivelled round in his seat and raised an eyebrow. I shrugged. "How many of you smoke, or have tried it before?"

Every hand went up, mine included. "Who likes it?" My hand went down, along with another blond, called Jim, and another boy named Kane. I had tried one of Ray's cigarettes once and had nearly thrown up, vowing never to try it again. "Who does it to relax?" Most of the hands stayed up. "Who does it because it's cool?" Ray put his hand down. I saw Sir's eyes flick to him. "Who's gone on to something stronger?" Ray put his hand back up again, along with Ozuma, Bryan, Mystel and Tala. Ray and Ozuma smoked cannabis, Bryan did just about everything, no one knew what Mystel did, and _everyone_ had heard the rumours about Tala. "Right. Next question, and this one, you _are _allowed to lie."

He smirked. "Who's still a virgin? And that includes gay virgins." Slowly, blushing a fiery shade of red, Jim put his hand up. "Don't laugh!" Sir ordered, quelling the first few jeers. "Well done for telling the truth, Jim. Who lost it at eighteen?" Mystel put his hand up. "Seventeen?" As the ages went down, I saw Ray's eyes widen. He'd realised what he teacher was up to. If Ray said the true age that he had lost his virginity… "Fifteen." I put my hand up distractedly, willing Ray to look at me. His gaze was fixed on the floor. "Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven." I saw Ray tense. Bryan, as well, was twitching uneasily. Eleven was the absolute minimum age that they could have lost it and still be halfway "acceptable" Slowly, defeated, they both put their hands up. Sir's eyes narrowed. We all watched, wondering what was coming next. We soon found out.

"Everyone take off their jumpers and roll up their sleeves." Bemused, most people obeyed. I hesitated for a second, then shrugged. Everyone knew about me anyway. Baring my scars defiantly, I looked to see who hadn't. Ray and Tala were both sitting dead still, staring fixedly at the floor. "You two as well." Sir's voice had gotten a little colder. Swearing in a long, angry stream, Tala yanked off his jumper and threw it at the teacher, who caught it one-handed. "Roll up the sleeves, Tala." Five seconds later, the rumours were confirmed. I saw Sir's mouth curl upwards in a satisfied smirk. "Ray?" I bit my lip as the two people featuring in my fantasies squared off.

"No." Ray's voice was soft. "I'm not doing it."

"Why not?" Sir asked smoothly. Ray's eyes blazed

"Because I don't fucking _want_ to! Shit, I need a fag!" He shoved his chair back, pushing it over, and strode out of the room. I got up and ran after him, wondering why Sir was just letting me go.

"Ray? Are you all right?" I asked softly, stopping a few steps behind him, the sickly-sweet smell of cannabis filling my nostrils. Ray nodded stiffly, taking a long drag from his joint. I waited for a few minutes before it became apparent that he wasn't going to say anything. Sadly, I turned away and wandered out the school gates, unable to face the classroom now.

* * *

Two hours of aimless wandering later, I decided to go down the riverside and see if I could find him there. That was where he normally went when he was upset, after all. 

My heart sank as I saw the empty bottles and cans lying scattered on the ground. He was standing unsteadily upright, swigging the last few drops from a can. I went timidly over to him and touched his arm lightly.

"Ray? You okay?" I asked softly, knowing that he always had a hard time with alcohol, especially when he mixed it with cannabis.

"Max? That you?" I nodded, slipping a supporting arm round his waist. "I feel dizzy…" he moaned, clutching at his head.

"Ssh, it's okay." I soothed, lowering him to the ground. He promptly tried to get up again, his eyes wild and out of focus, panic thrumming through every line of his tense body. I pulled him until he had his back to a tree and could sit upright without my help. "It's okay, Ray. You're going to be fine. Ssh, now, calm down…deep breaths, that's it…" I ran my hand gently down his cheek, whispering softly to him. Calmer now, he reached out and touched my cheek clumsily in return. He leaned in and hugged me, shivering slightly. I stroked his head comfortingly, rocking backwards and forwards. His head began to move upwards. He brushed his lips against mine, then moved away slightly. Our eyes met, and suddenly, friendship moved up a level. He took my head in his hands and pressed me closer to him, his lips infinitely sweet. The kiss deepened and he pushed gently against me, encouraging me to lie down. I did so, running my fingers through his long, silky hair. His hands slipped under my T-shirt, stroking my chest. I pulled away from the kiss for a second.

"You okay?" I signed.

"No." he muttered, trying to kiss me again. I held him off.

"No, Ray. Not here, and not while you're like this."

"Like what?" he slurred angrily.

"Drunk, stoned and upset." I returned, my eyes flashing with temper. Ray's face crumpled.

"Don't you want to?" he mumbled. I embraced him tightly.

"Yes." I murmured. "More than anything. But I want it to be special, yeah? When we're both in a good mood and preferably in a nice warm bedroom."

"God, you're so sybaritic." he complained. I grinned and sat up.

"Do you wanna come back to mine?" I signed. He shrugged.

"'Kay." His face brightened. "Can we do it there?" I laughed despite myself.

"Maybe once you've sobered up a bit." He pouted childishly. "Come on, you nympho. Let's go home." I helped him to his feet and we walked back to my house.

* * *

"Hey, Dad? Can Ray come over for a bit?" I yelled. 

"Do you really need an answer?"

"No." I replied, laughing as I guided the unsteady Ray up the stairs. I could feel him starting to panic again, and found myself wondering just how much weed he had smoked before I found him. "Come on Ray, just a little bit further. Everything's gonna be fine."

We collapsed on my bed in a tangle of limbs. Ray was moving around restlessly, too wired to stay still and too drunk to move very far.

"Ray, calm down." I soothed, kissing him softly on the forehead. "Stop panicking. You're safe, okay? Take some deep breaths, yeah?" He nodded, trembling, and enfolded me in a tight embrace.

"I-I'm scared, Max…" he mumbled, his eyes glassy. I detangled myself from his embrace and manoeuvred him under the covers, pulling them up to his chin. Lying down next to him, I stroked his cheek, watching in satisfaction as he quietened.

"Sleep, Ray. You'll feel much better when you wake up, promise." He mumbled something indistinctly and closed his eyes, relaxing into the mattress.

Drifting in a half-doze, I was brought back to reality when he slipped his hand into mine. Opening my eyes, I grinned and squeezed his hand in response. He smiled lazily, his eyes only half-open.

"'Lo, Max…" he murmured sleepily.

"Hey, Ray." I manoeuvred myself until I was sitting on the bed, looking down at him. "You feeling any better?"

"Bit… How long've I been asleep for?" He sat up shakily.

"'Bout three hours, give or take a few minutes." He nodded again, staring off into the distance. "Ray? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." he said immediately. I sighed.

"Okay, Ray, okay." A flicker of sadness flashed over his face for a moment and he cradled his presumably pounding head in one hand. I took a step that I knew would probably lead to one of our rare, vicious arguments. "Ray? What didn't you want Sir to see?" I asked softly. His eyes blazed with anger for a second, and I shrank away, already signing hasty apologies. All of a sudden, all the fight seeped out of him. His movements suddenly clumsy, he pulled off his jumper and T-shirt in one yank.

Any thoughts of words dried in my throat as I looked at the abundant scars covering his upper body, wrists and groin. Some of them looked dangerously deep. I opened my mouth and not even a croak emerged.

"Him or you?" I signed, my hands trembling so badly that he had to squint to work out what I was saying. Once he had, he smiled thinly.

"A bit of both. Mainly him." I stared at him, my mouth working uselessly. "Don't get so upset, Maxie. I deal with it." Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes as I reflected on how far my beloved friend's self-esteem had fallen. I stood up and walked a few steps away so that he wouldn't see me dissolve into ugly, noisy sobs.

"Why?" I signed helplessly. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Didn't you tell me that it's just a way of crying for help? How…How could you…" I trailed off, my hands shaking too much for any kind of coherent movement. I felt him stand up and embrace me from behind.

"I'm so sorry, Max." he mumbled into my neck. "You know what it's like, don't you? Knowing that everything's gone out of control? It…it's like, the only thing left I have any control over…You know what I'm on about, don't you…you understand…" He was sobbing now, tears soaking my hair and T-shirt. I swivelled round and hugged him so tightly that at first I couldn't breathe.

"Yes…I understand…I just wish…" I trailed off. Wishes had no place in the harsh reality that was Ray's life. "Oh, God, Ray…what's happened to us?" I signed, sinking down onto my bed and wiping my wet face.

"Life's happened to us." he replied bitterly, pulling me into a fierce kiss. He held me as I tried to pull away. "Please, Maxie…please…just make it all go away for a bit." he pleaded, his tears wet against my cheeks. Giving in, I let him pull me against him, felt arousal rear a reluctant head inside me.

Upset or not, Ray was an expert on all things sexual.

* * *

I was considering putting lemon in here, but I'm _seriously_ paranoid about my dad reading my stories - does anybody know how to password-protect a USB drive (memory stick)? Anyway, so next chapter's no swearing I'm afraid. Thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers, and to everyone who's reading this! (_why aren't you reviewing?_)

I'm going to do what I've never done before. I want four or five, preferably five, reviews before I update. (gulps at the audacity) Please review! Please!


	5. Sick in the head

Here's the next chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this so far!

Disclaimer: Don't own, never have and never will (pulls unhappy face)

Gulp...first chappie with no swearing...hope you like it!

* * *

"All right, Brooklyn, well done. You've done well today. Off you go." The red-headed nodded and smiled shyly at the praise, for once completely calm. Kai smiled back, raising a hand in farewell. "Bryan...good enough. Get lost." Saluting lazily, Bryan scraped his chair back and stood, leaving without another acknowledgement. As the door swung closed, Kai sighed and turned to the one remaining participator in the after-school detention, rubbing his temples absentmindedly.

Ray glared back, his whole posture radiating angry defiance. Kai stood up and began walking around the classroom, his hands stuffed casually in his pockets.

"You feeling okay, Ray?" he asked, staring out the window. "And I can see your reflection enough to tell if you're trying to get away, so don't try it." He waited, but Ray appeared to be taking his advice. He repeated his question, heard Ray shift uneasily in his seat.

"Why do you care?" Ray spat at last, his tone dripping with scorn.

"I'm paid to care," Kai muttered dryly. "Seriously, Ray, I'm just worried. You're the last person I'd expect to see bullying another student."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Being friends with Max and everything, you know how badly it can affect-"

"Oh, go to hell!" Ray snarled. "Anyway, for your information, Max and I are going out now." Kai raised an eyebrow and swivelled away from the window to face the sullen teenager.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really!"

"Good for you." Kai stored that titbit of information away for future reference and focused on the task in hand. He walked slowly towards Ray, noticing the almost imperceptible movement as Ray stiffened in his seat at his approach. He sat down on a desk a few seats away from Ray and sighed, grateful to finally be off his feet. They stayed in silence for a few minutes, before Kai coughed quietly, drawing Ray's attention from the floor back to him. "Ray, I saw while you were getting changed for PE. How did you think you could hide it?" Fear, pure and simple, flared in Ray's eyes and he pushed himself to his feet, anger flying quickly up to act as a shield.

"I do what I want! You were looking at me getting undressed, you pervert! I'll get you sacked, I'll go tell my step-dad and you'll be sacked before tomorrow!" he gabbled wildly. Kai continued to look calmly at Ray, who stared back like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Suddenly, the boy swayed slightly and grabbed hold of the chair to steady himself. Kai waited until Ray had sat heavily back down in his chair before repeating his earlier question;

"Are you feeling okay?" Ray shook his head wordlessly and buried his head in his folded arms. "Want to spill the beans?" Ray laughed mirthlessly.

"No beans left in this can," he murmured.

"Do you feel ill?" A shrug. "Head up."

"Why?"

"Head up, please." Hearing the familiar note in his teacher's voice that said "You will do what I say right now or you'll regret it", Ray's head slowly rose. Kai reached out and lightly placed a hand on Ray's forehead. "I'm not going to pass judgement, but you need to lie down when you get home, okay?" Ray shrugged again.

"Whatever," he mumbled, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. "Can I go yet?" Kai hesitated, then nodded.

"Go and have a rest. I'll let the bullying slide this time, _but,_ if I ever catch you doing it again, I don't give a damn about whoever your parents are, I _will_ punish you. Remember, if you'll excuse the cliché, I'm almost always in here if you want to talk." He paused. "Except for when that big-headed part of a Headmaster decides he wants a progress report on our two resident psychos..." Ray laughed quietly. The sound had a little more humour in it than before. "Go on. Get out. I've got your history tests to mark."

"Ooh, how fun..."

"You're telling me." Ray smiled crookedly.

"Bye, sir." He stood up and headed to the door. "Thanks." Kai smiled back.

"No problem. Oh yeah, tell Max that Mr Garret wants a word with him, would you?" Ray nodded and left. Kai stared after him for a few minutes then sighed softly and returned to the aforementioned tests.

* * *

I leaned back on the park bench, staring at Ray in puzzlement.

"Why does the Music teacher want to talk to me?" I asked, bemused. He shrugged. My eyes narrowed. "Ray, are you okay?" His eyes blazed.

"Everyone's asking me that! I'm _fine_, okay, and if I'm not, _I'll_ deal with it!" he yelled, flinging himself to his feet and glaring furiously down at me. I shrank back, gabbling apologies. "Stinking' little coward!" he sneered, turning on his heel and running off. I gazed after him, confusion, worry and unhappiness warring inside my chest. What's wrong, Ray? Why won't you let me help you?

The unwanted tight feeling that I had been free of for over a month smashed mercilessly into my head and chest and, unable to stop myself, I started scanning the ground for something sharp.

* * *

Ray ran as fast as he could, fury giving him the strength to drive his legs way past their normal limits. Reaching his house, he fumbled for his key, wrenched the unlocked door open and pelted up to his room. His mother called up to him, her voice worried. Ray shouted something back; he didn't know what. All he knew was a hunted animal's desire to flee to a safe refuge. Slamming his bedroom door shut, he clicked every one of the five locks shut and sagged against the secured door, his eyes closing, his raised temperature catching up with him. As his legs gave way and he collapsed to the floor, he heard footsteps thundering upstairs, then the sound of Lee's urgent voice came through the door.

"Ray, have you got your door locked? He's coming up!" The footsteps receded rapidly, Lee going to warn Mariah before doing his usual thing and climbing down the drainpipe outside his window. Fleeing while he still could. Only a few seconds later, another set of footsteps sounded hollowly through the door.

"Ray? You're in there, I heard Lee talking to you. Let me in, please." Ray didn't move, resting his head on his knees and staring glassily at the opposite wall. The man's tone changed, became soft, wheedling. "Come on, Ray. You're the sensible one, aren't you? Just unlock the door, that's all I'm asking."

_No it's not_, Ray thought dazedly. _You want more than that_. He knew that he would give in and unlock the door eventually. It was a habit. _Resist as long as you can, then give in_.

_Ha, and I called **Max** a coward? _He smiled, the expression twisted and humourless and blinked sleepily as a chill ran through him, making him shiver. _If he's a coward, what the hell am I?_

"Ray, come on, open the door."

"No," Ray whispered. A single tear glistened in the corner of his eye. _No._

* * *

Kai yawned and dragged a wrist across his stinging eyes. History tests marked; check. Lessons planned for tomorrow; check. Worrying about pupils; nope, still very much in the middle of that. Brooklyn and Bryan had been unusually well-behaved - his guess was a change in medication - but they were practically the only ones. Max had left the grounds during break and not come back, Kane and Jim had argued during break and descended into violence in the middle of Maths, Ozuma and Ray had been "persuaded" into bullying a younger boy by the double B's, as Kai had taken to calling them in private. At least, that was their story. He was more inclined to believe that there was something going on at home that had resulted in the two of them needing to burn off some steam, and the double B's had seen it happening and been unable to resist. The kid, Kenny, he seemed to vaguely remember the name as, had been absolutely terrified and had needed to go home. They were like that, the double B's were. Much worse and they wouldn't be allowed to be in a room that didn't have padded walls and a distinct lack of other people and sharp things. Now, why had that made him suddenly think of Max? Stupid question. Stupid thought, too, no doubt Max had just decided he wanted a break from school for once - he _was_ one of the more regular attendees after all - and left. And yet...

Ray had been in a very bad mood when he left, unsuccessfully hiding it behind a smile. What if he had met up with Max on the way home, and Max had accidentally said something that made him angry? Telling himself that he was being incredibly stupid, not to mention overreacting, Kai stood up, intending to go and get more paper to stock up his dwindling supply. However his body seemed to be ignoring his brain, and his legs took him straight out the door, only stopping to let him grab his coat and shove his laptop out of sight.

Mentally yelling at himself for being so ridiculous, and getting too involved for one thing, Kai strode along the pavement. Remembering something that had heard Max mention once, he turned into the park and walked briskly down the path. He nearly walked straight past the crumpled figure curled up on a bench under a tree. Only the flash of scarlet caught his eye in time, that and the faint gasp of pain. He turned on his heel so quickly he almost overbalanced and nearly ran towards the bench. Making sure to make a lot of noise as he approached the bench, he crouched down so that he was lower than Max.

"Max?" he asked quietly. No response, except for the jagged fragment of rock carving another red line in the boy's white skin. He put out a hand and closed it lightly over the rock fragment, tugging slightly. "Come on, Max. You know you don't want to."

"Don't _want_ to..._need_ to..." came the hoarse whisper.

"No, you don't," Kai told him gently. "Nobody _needs_ to make themselves bleed."

"Well, I d-"

"They do it anyway, but it's not out of need, or even want." Kai kept his voice low, soothing. "They do it, _we_ do it, because, after a while, after need and want have gone, it becomes an addiction. Doesn't it?" He received a small nod. "It's like drugs or alcohol. You can't stop yourself, can you?" A shake of the head. "Remember, I've been there, and I was far worse than you." Max made a faint snorting sound of disbelief. Kai raised his eyebrows. "You don't believe me? Look at this, then." Steeling himself for a sight that he knew would bring back unwanted memories, he lifted up his shirt. Max stared silently at the huge, jagged scar that stretched over his entire abdomen, the healed scar tissue mottled purple in places.

"How?" Max signed, his eyes wide. Kai dropped his shirt quickly.

"Carving knife. I was a stupid little kid without a clue as to what I was doing." he said stiffly. "Now then, I'm way out of my bounds here, teacher-wise, so I just want you to remember this, okay? It's the same as I told you before; I'm always around in school, or after school for a few hours. If you want to talk, just come and find me. If you feel like cutting, come and see me as soon as you can." He prised the rock from Max's unresisting grip and touched the blood dribbling over the boy's wrist lightly with his index finger. Max let out a soft humming noise and curled up tighter. "Do you want to use my phone and phone your dad?" Max blinked and looked up, his blue eyes shimmering with tears. Kai repeated his question. Eventually, Max nodded. Kai rested a hand lightly on his shoulder and stood up.

"Bye, sir..." Max mumbled, not looking Kai in the face.

"Bye, Max. See you tomorrow?" Max shrugged.

"I'll do my best," he said with a watery smile. Kai smiled back and tousled the teen's messy thatch of blond waves playfully.

"You do that."

* * *

Ray groggily opened his eyes and rubbed his hot forehead with one hand, moaning as he struggled to wake up properly. Suddenly, a hard knock on the still-locked bedroom door jolted him into to adrenalin-fuelled wakefulness.

"Ray, please open the door. I know you're awake." His step-dad's voice was smooth still, not a hint of the irritation that Ray knew would be blazing fiercely in the brown eyes. Amazed that he had got away with falling asleep and knowing when the game was up, Ray stood unsteadily and unlocked the door with shaking fingers. His head spun as his step dad grabbed him by the upper arm and dragged him over to his bed, flinging him down on to it with an brusque order to turn over. Obediently, he did so. Lying on his bed with his face squashed in his mattress, he barely even flinched as the first blow landed on his back, swiftly followed by many more, all aimed at areas that were easily covered up with clothes: back, legs, arms, and head. All but the last were delivered mercilessly with what Ray knew from bitter experience was a thick, heavy chunk of wood; he could feel splinters being buried in his unprotected skin. His head was merely punched repetitively and his hair yanked brutally until more than a few strands of the long, luxuriously wavy black locks were torn out. Child's play in comparison. He laughed mentally at that last thought. _Yeah, child's play is getting punched and my hair ripped out my scalp. What a life_.

He could hear his step dad's breathing becoming erratic, both from the ferocious beating and from something much more disturbing. His entire thought process consumed with self-disgust, Ray lay motionless, meekly allowing his clothes to be removed. He closed his eyes, hating himself as the rub of flesh against flesh began to affect him in..._that_ way.

"Good boy, Ray. Good boy." his step-dad crooned softly. Ray closed his eyes and slid into the comforting blackness of oblivion.

* * *

Bit of a dark ending there, what do you think? I'm having a bit oftrouble with developing the Kai/Max angle, but I will _not_ give up! Please review, and tell me what you thought! Reviews make me happy! 


	6. Golden delusions

Sorry it's been a while, writer's block plus SATS plus having 14 other fics that need writing...not good. So, here we are, and I think this chapter's quite angsty. Lots more Ray/Max. (I don't even like that pairing much! 0.o)

* * *

We watched as the teacher dragged himself into the classroom and slumped down at his desk. 

"What's up, sir?" Kane asked finally.

"I've got a cold and a hangover, so just…do what you want, as long as it doesn't involve bodily harm." he mumbled in reply, his head buried in his arms.

"Did you have a good night, then?" Ray laughed and took a deep breath of cannabis.

"No, Ray, I went the way of all good depressives and drank myself into unconscious in front of the TV. Put that out or pass it here." Stubbornly, Ray folded his arms and looked out the window. I chuckled softly, hiding my worry for my newfound boyfriend. "Ray. Joint. Here. Now. Do _not_ make me raise my head." Shrugging, Ray passed the joint forwards and reached for another one. Sir took the joint and inhaled deeply, letting out a satisfied sigh and throwing the half-used drug in the bin. We sat in stunned silence.

"Well, well, wait until my parents hear about this," Ray nudged Jim and spoke in a loud stage-whisper. His eyes were glittering radiant gold with recklessness.

"I'm supposed to _care _about your parents, Ray?"

"I'll have you sacked!" Everyone stared at Ray in shock. This guy - weird or not - was the best teacher any of us had ever had. Bryan and Brooklyn were calmer, Tala had started looking a little bit less "druggie," heck, I even understood simultaneous equations now, after three years of knowing about as much about them as a six year-old!

"You'd better not!" Bryan growled, his eyes narrowing. There was a murmur of agreement from the rest of us, the mood turning ugly in seconds. Even I couldn't find it in me to support my rash boyfriend and I knew why he was as out of control as he was today, or could make a damn good guess.

"Ray, stop being stupid!" I pleaded. "Leave it, okay?" But Ray was beyond listening, to me or to anyone. His lean, tanned body was tensed as if for a fight, his unusually long canines on full display.

"I could do it, you know! I've got three teachers sacked before!"

"Yes, on the charge of trying to seduce you, I know." came the emotionless response. Ray paused, slightly taken aback, before barrelling on regardless.

"Yeah, so I can do it to you!"

"What would you say?" The teacher, despite looking half-dead, actually sounded _interested_. Ray shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know. I've got a good imagination." He smiled, a dark, twisted expression that sent chills down my spine. "Maybe you just kept looking at me in the changing rooms. Or maybe you took it a step further, maybe you came in and pinned me against the wall and started taking my clothes off-"

"I get the point, thank you, Kon." We all stopped, shocked by the quiet anger in his weak voice. "Parents or no parents, you accuse me of anything like that again and I will personally ensure you never pass your GCSE's, or need I remind you that you failed eight out of ten exams five times in row? As this rate, you'll be fifty before you get any A-levels, or failing that, _any_ kind of job." Ray paled, although whether it was with fear or fury, not even I could tell. Silenced, he turned to look out of the window sullenly. The silence was broken by the teacher sneezing loudly. Jim sniggered. "Hilarious, I'm sure, James." Sir mumbled thickly.

* * *

Everyone sat in awkward silence. The tension between Ray and Sir was so thick it seemed to actually stop speech before it left your mouth. Ray was staring out of the window, a scowl on his face that could have cracked glass, and Sir still hadn't lifted his head. Or even moved it. Eventually, the bell rang for break. 

"Get out. I need to overdose on painkillers without spoiled brats threatening to sack me for drug abuse." he snapped. The class stood and straggled out: all except Ray and I. "You two as well. Get lost." he continued harshly. I started signing "Just a minute, sir," but gave up with an inaudible groan as I remembered that he couldn't actually see me. Ignoring him, I wrapped my arms around Ray and stared anxiously at him. He shuffled aside and I sat down in the space he had created. His body was trembling, and so tense that I could see rope-like muscles jutting against his tanned skin.

"I - want - to - kill - him." he gritted out jerkily.

"Who?" I signed, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"_Him_," was the only response. Suddenly, he pushed his chair back so hard that it fell to the floor with a deafening clatter. "I'm out of here. See you around." He bent down and gave me a fierce, almost brutal kiss. I reached up and caught him by the wrist. "Let go!" He pulled ineffectively. I forced my voice through my frozen vocal chords.

"Ray, don't let…" I trailed off. Not because of my voice, but because I had just remembered that Sir was still in the room. Ray smiled down at me, a frightening mixture of sadness and acceptance swirling in his beautiful golden eyes.

"There's only so much one person can take, Maxie. Even a superior being like me." He smiled again. The expression had a defeated quality. Thousands of words rushed through my head - _no, you promised, why you, why me, don't hate yourself, it's not your fault, don't hurt yourself, I hate him for doing this to you… _When it came to speaking, there was only one, hopelessly clichéd phrase that I wanted to say.

"Ray…I love you…" Suddenly, his arms were around me, tears flowing down both our cheeks.

"Love you too." he whispered. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere…" The unspoken word hung in the air even as he kissed me.

_Yet._

We sat in each other's arms peacefully, until I suddenly noticed that Sir hadn't moved since dismissing us. I nudged Ray and pointed, who raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"You okay, sir?" he asked loudly. The teacher didn't stir. Ray shrugged. "Probably asleep. Let's go," He stood and looked down at me, bewildered. I kept my eyes fixed on Sir's unmoving form. "What's up?"

"It doesn't feel right." I signed - pointing to my head, then at Sir and making a quick cross sign. Ray frowned and sauntered over to the desk. He put a hand on the teacher's arm and shook it gently. No reaction.

"Sir? You okay, sir?" he repeated. A groan came from Sir's mouth, muffled by the position he was in, and he stirred, trying to pull away from Ray's gentle grip. "Sir? Can you talk? Do you want anything?" Another groan, the man's eyelids flickering as he woke up. Mischief glimmered in Ray's eyes. "What's your name?" Dazed amethyst eyes stared groggily up at Ray.

"Kai…" he mumbled, a split second before his gaze shot back into focus. "Repeat that, and you die." I hurried up and, without a warning to either of them, put my hand on the teacher's forehead, feeling for a temperature. And wow, did I feel one!

"Sir, you've got a temperature!" I scolded, filing his name away for future reference. Hm…_Kai_. Suited him.

"Give the kid full marks for observation…" he mumbled weakly. I scrutinised him carefully. He was ashen, his raw nose the only splodge of colour in his face. Even his usually dazzling amethyst eyes were dull and glassy.

"You shouldn't be in school." Ray commented, his voice nearly as cold as the teacher's.

"Tell me something I don't know." Sir sat up slowly, one hand on his forehead. "I apologise for arguing with you earlier. That was stupid and childish of me, to let myself be provoked." The apology was stiff and uncomfortable, but still out of the blue enough to make both Ray and I gape soundlessly in shock.

"I shouldn't've started it." Ray muttered awkwardly, averting his eyes.

"Doesn't matter." He closed his eyes for a brief second. "I'm…sorry." The word came out sounding almost comically forced. Ray shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the unfamiliar situation. As for me? Well, I was quite enjoying it, really. The two of them really were too alike for their own good sometimes.

"He's enjoying this, isn't he?" Sir asked. Ray nodded.

"Yep." They both glared at me. Laughing, I turned away and headed for the door.

"Coming, Ray?" I called over my shoulder.

"Yeah, wait up." He jogged level with me and slung an arm possessively around my waist. I shot a sideways look at him, noticing the dark look still in his eyes. He smiled at me without bothering to make eye contact.

* * *

I tugged Ray over to a deserted spot outside and grabbed his head, forcing him to look at me. 

"Ray, talk to me," I pleaded softly. He smiled again, thinly, humourlessly. Ignoring my request completely, he took hold of my wrist and gently rolled my sleeve up. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he just held tighter. Last night's wounds revealed themselves. I never bothered with plasters: why would I cover up what I had created? What was the point in doing it if you couldn't see them?

His index finger traced the cuts almost tenderly, his beautiful face as blank as a statue, golden eyes soft and dreamy.

"Did they hurt?" he asked at last. I shrugged. I supposed they probably _had_ hurt, they had probably _all_ hurt, but I was never in a state of mind that registered pain at the time. "How long does it take before they stop hurting?" I stared at him, aghast. He frowned and shook his head, as if jolting himself awake. "Never mind." I made eye contact again. This time, we held it, our eyes boring into each other's.

"Did he do it again?" I asked softly, raising my hand and stroking his cheek. He tilted his head into the caress and nodded, his eyes downcast. Suddenly, he resembled nothing more than a lonely, confused child. I moved forward and hugged him reassuringly. He leaned into the embrace, and I felt my shoulder become damp with the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He raised his head and rested it on top of mine. Silently, I reached under his jumper and T-shirt and ran my fingers over the welts and cuts that decorated his flat, muscular stomach. Those muscles tensed at my touch, creating a hard surface that I couldn't have made an impression on by punching with everything I had.

"I hate him, Max...I hate him so, so much..." I kissed the hollow at the base of his throat and nuzzled into his chest. He didn't want an answer, he just needed me to be there for him.

I was there for him.

"Sometimes...when he does it...I can convince myself it's not happening...but that just makes it worse when he leaves me alone..." His hair was loose today and it was hanging around us in a shining, black river, our little cocoon from the world. "I hate him, but I hate myself more."

"Don't say that!" I snapped, glaring up at him. He looked away, colouring with shame.

"I do," he whispered. "It's all my fault...if I'd been different, nothing would ever have happened...he would never have touched me,"

"That's not true," I said firmly. He stared at me, something frightening welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, isn't it? I ask for it, behaving like a complete slag, like a prostitute, I might as well walk around with a big sign that says "Shag me, I'm game!" written on my forehead!" His voice rose steadily until he was yelling.

"Yes, but who turned you into that?" I inquired calmly, more calmly than I felt. He stared at me wildly; I could practically see his mind working, trying to find the answer in the logic of self-blame that he had built up around himself.

He couldn't; and it disturbed him, this hole where there should be an easy answer. I could see the panic in his eyes.

"I started it." he repeated stubbornly. "It's my fault." I opened my mouth, then closed it again in defeat.

"It's not your fault, Ray," I murmured hopelessly. "It's not your _fault_."

* * *

Kai wearily dismissed the class. _End of the day at last_, he thought. His head was swimming, and he couldn't stop shivering. His sinuses felt raw and burnt. Gradually, the sounds of everyone leaving faded. Taking a steadying breath, he tried to stand. The world blurred and whirled around as though he was on a merry-go-round, and he was only vaguely aware of somebody catching him and lowering him to the ground. 

The cool floor felt good against his cheek, despite the chills that raced through him. An uncomfortably cold hand rested on his forehead.

"What _have_ you done to yourself, Kai?" his rescuer asked, sounding only slightly concerned. Kai groaned mentally. Great. The very last person he would ever choose to see him in this state.

His ex. Their relationship had been quick, explosive in every sense of the word, and very nasty to end. Violence had ensued.

_Hiro Granger. Of all people, why did it have to be him?_

* * *

(Grins evilly) Betcha no-one was expecting that! Hiro might play quite a big part soon, I've got some ideas floating round my head at the moment. Kai has a cold purely because I've spent the whole of this week feeling like hell with one! 

Wow, is Ray ever messed-up! Not that Max is perfect. Or Kai, in fact.(grins again) This fic is FUN to write! Anyone want to hazard a guess to what's going to happen next chappie?

Please, please review!


	7. Enforced silence

I'm back! A big thank you to Slipping Sanity, Feathers of Fire, Akaiama, silent dreams, Lryikkal, Dark Kaiser, yo tadaiima, Baby Sweet, WhisperingNights, Susi/Sam, cajun-beauty, Lady-Nikki and princessezzy for reviewing!!

I know it's been a really ridiculous length of time - forgive me! I'm here now! And I bring a chapter!

* * *

With a grunt, Kai rolled away from the older man and forced himself upright. His head swam and he grabbed hold of the wall to keep himself vertical. Hiro watched him with mild curiosity.

"Do you want a hand, Kai?" he asked casually. Kai scowled and raised his hand to show him exactly what he thought about that offer.

"Go to hell, Hiro!" he snapped, his speech dissolving into a bout of coughing. Shaking his head rapidly to try and clear it and succeeding only in increasing his headache even further, he stumbled over to his desk. Grabbing his coat and laptop, he shoved past Hiro; or tried to. To his disgust, he felt Hiro's hand slide under his shirt, a smirk on the older man's handsome face. He pulled away so violently that he nearly fell again. "Get the hell off me!" he demanded hoarsely, his eyes watering with the desire to cough. With a thin smile, Hiro moved backwards, giving him a hard push.

"Get going then." he ordered. Kai glared at him, mentally promising to sort this out later, and walked out with as much dignity as he could muster.

Which wasn't much.

He crawled into his car and sat heavily in the driver's seat like a sack of potatoes. His eyes closed of their own accord. Just a few minutes, he promised himself weakly, just long enough to clear his head…think up a plan to get back at that smug, cocky bastard…

Feeling a little better when he woke up three hours later, he rubbed his sticky eyes and turned the key in the ignition. The little car started with a protesting splutter and he swore softly, willing it to work. He didn't fancy being stuck at school overnight. Besides - an important fact, this - all his painkillers were at home. If he could call that poky little dump home.

He got out of the car, wincing at the pain in his head and silently wondering how on earth he had driven back without crashing. Not that he was complaining.

----

Two hours later, he sat at the kitchen table, staring blearily at a pile of thirty maths books. That was the only problem with teaching every single subject; the amount of marking was horrendous. And he just … oh, he couldn't cope with it tonight. Standing, he went into the lounge and stretched out on the sofa.

Someone was banging on the door with quick, urgent knocks. Groaning and cursing, Kai sat up , pulling a face at the utter dryness in his mouth. He stood and walked listlessly to the front door, yanking it open. A gust of cold, rain-laden air blew in.

"What?" he growled thickly, his dry mouth and tongue making speech difficult. Almost as soon as the word left his mouth, his eyes focused on the small, soaked, bedraggled figure of Max Tate. "Why are you here, Max?" he grumbled, leaning against the doorframe.

"I-I'm sorry to disturb you, sir, but it's … Ray." Max trailed off, his large blue eyes suddenly brimming with tears. Kai raised an eyebrow. "He's cutting … and he won't stop … and - and … you stopped me … so …" Those tears were flowing freely now, but the boy's face was so wet already that it made no real difference to his appearance. Kai sighed.

"Max, I feel like shit. If Ray wants to slice himself to pieces, then he can just go ahead and-" He stopped. Max was waving his hands around frantically, not signing, but trying desperately to say something.

"B-but that's what he's _doing_!" he cried eventually. "There's blood _everywhere_!" Worry sparked in Kai's mind.

"You're the expert in this, Max." he said flatly. "Has he gone too far?" Max nodded madly.

"Yes, but it's not suicide, I'd know, he just won't stop!" His surprisingly deep voice rose an octave higher in pure panic.

"Okay." was all Kai said. Swinging inside, he flung on a waterproof coat, grabbed his mobile phone, and downed a glass of water. Feeling slightly more human, he shut the door behind him and looked down at Max. "Where?" he asked simply. Max's face broke into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen on anyone, and he started running. Kai followed, swearing mentally as the cold, damp air tore at his painful throat.

----

Blood dripped down tanned skin, mixing with the rain to create a dull red sheen over his arms. Ray worked steadily. A small pen knife held in his hand, he gouged it into his skin, watching with satisfaction as red seeped out of the wound. It hurt, they all hurt; it felt like his skin was on fire with pain, but that was good. Only two things could make him feel at all these days; this, and Max. Otherwise, he was numb. Emotions didn't exist anymore.

Max… Where had he gone, anyway? The blade sank a full inch in, and a hiss of pain forced itself out. Ray shuddered, then composed himself. If he was truly doing the right thing, he would keep it going, grind it in until it hit bone then wriggle around to find an artery. But he couldn't. He couldn't leave Mariah to his step-father.

Lee was an expert in getting away, and, failing that, could floor the older man with a few well-aimed punches, but Mariah was virtually defenceless. He wouldn't leave her. He could stand the paedophile's advances through years of experience, but it would destroy his sister.

He couldn't leave.

He _wouldn't_ leave.

He was just … testing.

Suddenly, a blond blur appeared in front of him. Squinting, trying to focus, he saw that it was Max. Ray smiled weakly.

"Hey, Max …" He was surprised at how feeble his voice was. Surely he hadn't lost _that_ much blood? Another blur hovered a little further away. This one took a lot more blinking to see clearly, and it was a shock when he could. "Sir?" The teacher stepped forward, one pale hand outstretched.

"Give me the knife, Ray." His voice was scratchy, hoarse. Ray blinked and shook his head slowly. "It's okay, Ray. You've got Max now, haven't you?" Ray paused, the thought struggling through his slow-moving brain. Yes, he had Max. He turned to his boyfriend and held out arms that dripped and ran with blood and rain. Max moved toward him, then stopped, his face a picture of misery.

"I can't." he signed unhappily. "I'll hurt you." Ray looked at him in total incomprehension.

"Good." he said at last. He tried to move towards Max, but even the slight movement made him hopelessly dizzy. As if the sight of Ray almost fainting had set something off inside him, Max closed the gap between them, and with only the slightest hesitation, wrapped his arms around him.

"It's okay, Ray." he whispered, his hair soft against Ray's damp cheek. Ray closed his eyes and let his grip slacken around the knife. It fell to the floor with a clatter. The dizziness hadn't gone away; even with his eyes shut it still felt as though the world was spinning. "Ray? You okay?" Max asked softly.

"I'm ... fine ..." he murmured. He yawned widely.

"Sleepy?"

"Yeah ... sleepy ..." The dull blur of the world turned black.

----

With much swearing and bruised arms and knees, Kai and Max hauled the unconscious teenager onto a nearby bench. Panting, his throat burning with every breath that he took, Kai leaned heavily on the bench, an idea forming in his mind.

"Max, how good would you say you are at acting?" Max gave him a confused look. "If I ring the ambulance and say that we just found him like this, would you be able to back me up?" he elaborated. Max's face cleared, and he nodded.

"No problem." he signed, closing his eyes and shaking his head diagonally, sweeping one hand in front of him.

"Good." Kai flipped his phone open and dialled 999.

----

I looked at Ray's sleeping form. I'd been doing nothing _but_ looking at him for the past two hours, but this was a different look.

"Got to go, Ray," I signed. Standing up and wincing at my sore joints, I left the room.

Wandering down the corridors in a daze, I nearly walked into Ray's step-father, who snapped out a contemptuous "Watch where you're going!" without even looking at me, and barrelled past.

I didn't know if I could do this anymore. Ray was out of control.

God, that hurt to admit, but it was true. Tonight was only an example of how little I mattered to Ray, compared to the pain inside him. He was on _suicide_ watch, for fuck's sake! What did _that_ say?

I could have told them otherwise, told them that he wouldn't commit suicide ... yet, but they'd probably take one look at me and think we had some kind of sick suicide pact or something.

Suddenly, my brain registered the collision I had just had. _Ray's step-father_.

Just what he didn't need, that paedo starting on him, telling him he's a useless little emo-fuck and stuff.

Sometimes, times like these, I wonder; why the _hell_ don't I tell someone?

And then I remember.

I remember who he is, I remember who I am.

And I stay quiet.

----

"You ok?" A hoarse voice made me jump, and I turned to see Sir looking at me. I nod.

"Why are you still here?" I asked curiously. He shrugged.

"I needed to check everything was ok." His voice was so raspy, it hurt my throat to hear it.

"It is." I assured him.

"Are _you_ ok, Max?" Something in the way he was asking me made something inside me snap. Maybe it was the way that he sounds serious.

Maybe it was because he was looking straight at me when he said it. At _me_, not my wrists.

Whatever it is, suddenly I was there, or he was here, and we were hugging so tightly I could feel my ribs shifting slightly. We were silent - no meaningless, cliched phrases like "It's Ok," maybe because we both knew they were a load of shit.

"You've got a cold." I murmured at last, my voice muffled, my face pressed into his shoulder. "You should be at home."

"I know I shouldn't be doing this; does that count instead?" I looked up and looked at him.

For the first time, I really _looked_.

----

I saw someone not that much older than me. Taller, no doubt stronger, and mentally stronger too. But still. Twenty wasn't old. Twenty was barely even adulthood.

His strange eyes were half-closed, his face was drawn and tired, with a comically red nose taking centre stage.

He wasn't Sir anymore, in that moment. He was Kai. He was human. And he was ill.

"Go home." I whispered.

"No." he replied, though I thought it was more likely to be an automatic reaction than a sincere refusal.

I swallowed. This was not a time to let hormones take control! But dammit, he was so, so sexy ...

----

Kai saw the look in Max's eyes change from concern to something very far from that, and knew he had to go, right now, or he wouldn't be able to stop himself. He had already made a horrible mistake, he couldn't take it that step further.

"You've got Ray, Max. And I've got books to mark." Max's eyes clouded and he nodded slowly.

"Ok."

_For now ... _they both whispered, deep in an unseen hole in their minds.

* * *

Well, I hope you like it. I was going to discontinue this, as some people know. But I received at least three reviews or PMs begging me not to. So I have obeyed.

This fic deals with emotions I don't have, incredible OOCness, and unrealistic situations, as far as Kai being a teacher goes. In short; I'm the last person who should be writing this. But if I'm still doing a good job, please tell me. It means a lot.

See you next chap!


	8. Lost and tired

Back again! Thank you to **cajun-beauty**, **WhisperingNights**, **Baby Sweet**, **Nikki**, **Akaiama**, **princessezzy**, **..silencio.**, **Slightly Sinister Sinestra,** **xMax-Tatex,** **terracannon876** and **empire14** for reviewing!

Well. Um. What is there to say, other than 'Hi, I'm alive and was randomly inspired yesterday to continue this fic.' It was always great fun to write and it was surprisingly easy to slip back into it. I wouldn't say I have a _plan_ but I do have some more ideas. Angsty, of course.

I wrote two thirds of this yesterday evening and this morning, so yay! (The first third's been there since '07 ...)

* * *

In case you can't be bothered to reread the previous chapter (since this carries directly on from there), quick summary:

Kai's got the flu from hell, Ray's sliced himself to pieces, Max has just left his side in hospital as his step-father turns up, Max sees Kai, they hug, both get a tiny bit of lust but Kai pulls away.

* * *

I heard someone coming down the corridor and took a few steps away from Sir, who had already turned away to lean against the wall.

"Dad?" My dad looked at me with concern and opened his arms a fraction, enough for me to see the invitation and no one else. Chewing on my bottom lip as suddenly tears welled up out of nowhere, I walked forwards and pulled him into a quick, tight hug, similar to the ones I gave at school and oh-so different to the embrace I had just shared with Sir … Kai. I pulled away, smiling weakly to try and remove the look of worry from Dad's face.

"You ok, Max?" I shrugged. "How's Ray?" I shrugged again, signing that his dad was with him to avoid the fact that I couldn't speak of him without degrading him.

Dad didn't know, after all.

"Who's that?" Dad lowered his voice and gestured with his head to where Kai was still leaning against the wall. "He doesn't look so good." I turned to look and frowned.

"Sir! Go home!" I ordered again.

"He's your teacher?" my dad spluttered. I nodded.

"For my sins," Kai agreed, his voice a hoarse, dry raven's croak.

"You must have a lot of sins," my dad joked. Kai smiled ruefully. "You want a ride back? You look rough, if you don't mind me saying so."

"Yeah, that'd be great."

He fell asleep in the car, snoring surprisingly loudly. I watched him in the rear-view mirror - he had insisted on sitting in the back - and hoped that Dad was concentrating too much on the road to see the smile spreading across my face.

Thoughts of Ray sobered me up instantly and I stared out of the window, agonising over my decision, should I have left him with his dad? I knew the answer; it ate away at me all that long drive home.

No. No, I shouldn't have left him. I shouldn't have left my wounded, confused, scared, upset, all round fucked-up boyfriend alone with his even more fucked-up step-father. Why the hell _had_ I? Something niggled at the back of my mind, but hovered just out of sight and sound.

Stupid hovering thing, I thought moodily as we pulled up outside Kai's flat.

He had given Dad extensive directions before falling asleep (somehow sensing that my dad wasn't one of those people blessed with inner maps) but, alas, even this had failed and Dad had driven quite literally twice around the town before noticing the place by sheer luck. I'd previously told him that he should wake Kai up and ask for directions again but he just shook his head and gave me a reproachful look, saying something about Kai clearly needing rest. Well, I'd thought sourly, so do we and this isn't helping us get back home! I was so, so tempted to just tell Dad myself but then that would mean revealing that I knew where he lived (which not even Ray knew) and probably _how_ I knew (which I would never tell anyone, ever, until I was much older and talking to impartial enough people that it didn't matter). Not to mention I would probably call him Kai by accident, which was something else I now needed to be careful about. Yay.

So I wasn't in the best of moods when I swivelled in my seat and gave him (still fast asleep and snoring fit to burst) a hearty punch to the thigh. Although I half-wanted an aggressive response it was still a shock when, faster than I could react (I was sleepy, ok?) and before his eyes were even open, he grabbed my fist and squeezed _hard_. Bones shifted in my hand and I yelped with pain. I tried to pull away but succeeded only in convincing Kai to reduce the strength of his grip very slightly. My dad, in the middle of a tricky parallel park, turned in alarm to see what was going on. Kai opened his eyes, looked first at my dad and then at me before saying,

"Don't hit a teacher, Tate," in a hoarse voice that was somehow nasty and sympathetic at the same time.

"Max!" my dad scolded, glaring at me. Defiance fought with embarrassment and I kept my head high even as my face turned steadily redder.

Besides, he hadn't let go of my hand yet.

That alone made the sleep deprivation, pain in my hand and getting lost seventy billion times worthwhile.

Fuck, I had it bad.

"We're here," I blurted. He regarded me wearily.

"I guessed that," he said in his awful, sick, sandpaper voice. Letting go off my hand, he rubbed not just his eyes but his entire face before reaching for the door handle. "Thank you very much for the lift, Mr Tate. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you."

"Don't be silly, Mr ...?"

"Hiwatari. I'm not silly, it's four o'clock in the fucking morning, excuse the language."

I fought back a laugh at the fleeting look of shock on my dad's face, but I must have made some sort of noise because Kai (both legs out of the car and braced to drag his body out too) turned and glared at me. He looked pretty feverish, I noticed worriedly.

"Expecting you in school."

"What?" I replied at a volume that apparently neither Kai nor my dad appreciated. "But … Ray! No sleep?! I'll never be able to concentrate!"

"Oh, you think I'm going to get so much sleep?" he snarled back. Such was my shock that I got halfway to hiding behind the headrest before grabbing control of myself and glaring back. "You turn up," he continued roughly. "I don't care if you spend the day asleep or texting Ray but you turn up."

"But-" I began to protest again (it was difficult through a throat that had slammed shut with the shock of Kai's unexpected anger) but he looked away and got out of the car. Without another look he walked towards his front door.

Like I meant nothing. Like he hadn't just wasted an entire evening helping me sort out Ray's mess and then hugged me and _held my hand_, for fuck's sake. Well, screw him. See how much I cared. My throat was now thoroughly locked but with great relish I made several obscene gestures in quick succession out of the window. His back was turned but I hoped that he'd catch the intent anyway. Telepathy or something.

Sadly, Dad definitely saw them. I expected a lecture which I could just tune out but instead he gave me a disappointed look and revved the engine by accident as he drove away. A few minutes of silence later, he asked,

"Can you talk?"

I shrugged.

"Bit." I was expecting it to be about Ray, even though he knew from past experience that I dished out info about Ray only when I wanted to.

"You going to go to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

He looked at me in surprise. (he wasn't the only one surprised by that remark. I thought I was going to say no.) "Really?"

"Yeah. What do if not?" I should really have signed that last sentence, it made so little sense in the bite-size words that were all I could manage. It's risky though, taking Dad's eyes off the road for too long. He smiled sadly out the windscreen and said,

"I'd do nothing, Max. That's all I'm good for, isn't it?"

I squirmed.

"Nev'r said that!"

"No," he agreed placidly.

We drove in silence after that. As we came nearer to our road though, he spoke again.

"You seem close, you and this teacher."

I flinched. I definitely one hundred percent guilty-flinched. Did he notice? How could he not? Forget butterflies, I had snakes inside me.

"O-oh? How come?" Amazingly, my throat remained loose enough to allow speech, though my hands twitched.

Dad wiggled most of the fingers on his left hand thoughtfully.

"Not sure. Just a hunch. Well, that and the fact that you're actually going into school tomorrow."

I forced a smile and found a reply.

"He's a good teacher, even if he can be an absolute bastard."

Dad laughed a little at that, which confused me.

"Some of the best teachers I ever had at school either screamed at us until we cried or beat us until we bled. It must be a genius thing."

"Tch. Kai's no genius."

_Fuck_! I knew I'd do it sooner or later, but not on the _same day_ that I found out what his name _was_! It was ridiculous. Almost comical, in fact. Dad was watching me with a small smile.

"He lets you call him by his first name?"

Think, Max, think like a bloody supercomputer!

"No," I replied and found a conspiratorial grin spreading easily over my face. Dad grinned back and pulled up outside the house.

"Get to bed, you anarchist," he said fondly. "Grab as much as sleep as you can."

"Gladly," I grumbled, opening the door and shivering at the cold dawn air.

Shit. _Dawn_? I was going to school tomorrow - today? I mean, it's not like I hadn't spent a day and a night awake before; I had, many, many times. I'd just never gone to school afterwards. But now there was Kai and so now I apparently followed the call of my dick wherever he wanted.

I lay shivering my covers, waiting for my body heat to transfer to the duvet wrapped around me. Dad clomped up the stairs and called goodnight to me through the door. I didn't bother replying, just squeezed my eyes tighter together and tried to get to sleep. As I slowly succeeded, my brain began to wander, as it does, and it made … connections.

My dad turned into Ray's step-father and suddenly I remembered and _realised_ in full, black and white horror that froze the blood in my veins and set a whirlpool in my mind; I had left Ray to his step-father. Thrown him to the worst fucking wolf of them all because I had been too pathetic to tell anyone and, really, so fed up with Ray's disastrous coping methods that in some deep part of me I'd actually thought, good. Maybe this'll stop him.

But it wouldn't stop him, of course it fucking wouldn't (nothing would, I felt), but definitely, absolutely not the same person who caused it, Max, you … argh. I had no words for how I saw myself just then. Spineless and selfish and stupid. _So_ fucking stupid and careless.

Without thinking about it, I wriggled out of the covers and swung my arm as hard as I could at the sharp corner of the solid wooden bedside table. It rocked and nearly fell over and my arm reached a stalemate between pin-and-needles numbness and enough pain to make me need to stuff the duvet into my mouth.

I knew that Ray would ask me why I hadn't used the knife when I went to see him tomorrow. He wouldn't understand the explanation; that I used the knife to make me feel better. This was to make me feel worse.

* * *

(happy smile) God, I love character torture far too much.

I have a question, my lovely readers. There will be at least one character death, I'm not telling you who. xD My current plan is to end this in a vaguely positive way - character goes through hell and comes out other side ready for a completely new beginning. But, I don't know. Anyone want more deaths, and/or a negative ending? Is entirely plausible. Throw some ideas at me if you want, I'll see if they fit.

As usual, expect any oncoming romance (hint hint xD) to be tainted very strongly with enough angst to tar a road.

Love everybody who's reading this.

All opinions welcome.

xIlbx


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